the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
