Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
