Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
