Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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