i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
