There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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