Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
