The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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