let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
