The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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