I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
