You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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