I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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