I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
