Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
