Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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