Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
