it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
