Slut skills are useful in every country.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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