that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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