i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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