Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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