i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
