Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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