Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.

Fav 1 956 884
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(314): View more from Missouri

Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.

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(954): View more from Florida

I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

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(318): View more from Louisiana

If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.

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(765): View more from Indiana

If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement

(1-765): View more from Indiana

Yes, an arrangement called marriage

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