im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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