9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
