Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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