I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
