Yo dont text me then not text me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
