pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
