this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
