My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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