the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
