He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
PANTIES FOUND
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