They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
