Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
