i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
