apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize