dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
