thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
