This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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