I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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