I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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