I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
