There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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