I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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