she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize