you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize