oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
