My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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