he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
