whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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