So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
