Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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