There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
