we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
