I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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