Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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