Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
